A few nights ago, as I was walking back to my car after running some errands, I was approached by a couple kids in the parking lot. They were about ten years old and wearing backpacks. "Sir, could you spare any change for food or a motel room." I was struck by the boy's politeness and sincerity.
In moments like these I have discovered I have an auto-pilot. It's like when someone asks me "how's it going" I never respond "Crappiest day ever. Want to hear about it?" It could very well be a crappy day, but I will almost always respond, "I'm good, you?" That's my auto-pilot response.
For people asking for money it's "Sorry, I don't have anything on me." I don't even have to think about it. It just comes out. Most of the time I'm being honest, since I don't generally carry cash.
They didn't press. They moved onto the next person coming down the parking lot.
I got into my car and just sat for a little bit. Should I have given them money? They were decently dressed. Maybe it was a scam. If I gave them money it would actually be worse for them because they would buy drugs or alcohol. That was all it took to justify my withholding.
I think I left more mad than anything. I had convinced myself that their speach was rehearsed, that their tone of voice fake, and that their intentions weren't good.
This interaction stuck with me for some time. It still sticks with me today. It's kept me thinking, wondering about what my natural response to situations like that are. Why isn't my auto-pilot response "Yah, sure" when someone asks me for money? Why do I always assume they are going to do something harmful with it?
Then it hit me. Why am I so uncomfortable giving money to homeless people or people on the street when I have no problem at all giving my money to stores and businesses who will make a profit on it. I have no control over how they will use that profit. Maybe they will do something that will be harmful to them, to their families, to society in general. I don't know. And yet, I don't think twice about giving them money.
Whether I give my money to a store or to a homeless person I have no control over how they will use it. None whatsoever. But with a store I get something out of it. With the homeless person I literally get nothing but the hope that he will use it for the betterment of himself or someone else. Generally, I'll choose the over-priced T-shirt over the hope.
Is giving to a homeless person worth it if I can't control what he will do with it? What if I knew that there was a 90% chance that he will use it for drugs? Should I still give him some money or should I hold back?
This is the beauty and tragedy of grace.
When God sent His Son to die a shameful death on behalf of all mankind He paid a tremendous price. It was more costly than I will ever grasp. And yet, He did it with no guarantee. There was no guarantee that people would respond in a way that bettered themself or society. He knew some, maybe many, people would look at this gift and flat out reject it.
He also knew some would "accept" it and then use it as freedom to do whatever they wanted. They will say, "God forgave our sins and will continue to forgive our sins, so we can do whatever we want." They will live a lifestyle that hurts God and hurts themselves, all on God's bill.
What if the rejection or abuse of God's grace was so likely that He just said it wasn't worth it to send Jesus? There was no guarantee that people would accept His grace. He wasn't forcing it on us and requiring that we accept it. Like any gift it could be rejected or misued. What if God had said it wasn't worth the risk?
Praise God that He opened His hands and gave grace to a people who would continually and regularly abuse it. Praise God that while we were still sinners He sent Jesus. Praise God that He offers this grace recklessly.
May we be people that love generously, give recklessly, and in so doing model the love and grace of a reckless Father.
Grace, peace, and generosity,
Blake
